Marriage, often depicted as a source of comfort, mercy, and love, can transform into a source of harm and psychological pressure, according to clinical psychologist Dr. Abdel Halim Fawl. He identifies three mental traps that married individuals may encounter, which can lead them to doubt their self-worth and succumb to fear, potentially causing psychological distress. Dr. Fawl states, "Do not let someone's harshness be a mirror through which you see yourselves. Your worth is not hostage to human moods. Your worth was given to you by God when He honored humanity and breathed into it from His spirit." He emphasizes that individuals should not be crushed or broken-willed. "Islam," Dr. Fawl adds, "does not raise individuals on psychological humiliation, but on balance, dignity, and striving for means."
Understanding Marriage's Dual Nature
Many couples coexist in marriages marked by silence, emotional oppression, and coldness, according to observations from clinical practice. This atmosphere can lead some spouses to internalize the other's harshness, mistakenly concluding that they are undeserving of love or appreciation. In healthy relationships, financial support, love, respect, and psychological safety are not privileges but fundamental rights. These elements are considered essential for a balanced and dignified partnership, preventing psychological humiliation and fostering mutual well-being.
The Three Psychological Traps
The first psychological trap, identified as Personalization, involves linking self-worth to a partner's behavior, leading to self-blame and questions such as 'What am I lacking?' or 'Am I not enough?'. The behavior of a hurtful person, however, reflects their own issues, not the victim's intrinsic worth. Self-worth is presented as divinely given, independent of human moods.
Catastrophizing constitutes the second trap, characterized by a constant fear of divorce, public opinion, loneliness, or revenge. This mindset traps individuals in fear before any event occurs. Exaggerating these fears consumes an individual's psychological and nervous system, impeding wise thinking and balanced decision-making. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) taught that believers should not live crushed or with broken will, and should not surrender. Islam advocates for balance, dignity, and seeking causes, rather than psychological humiliation.
The third trap, Polarization, describes thinking in extremes, such as demanding immediate divorce or remaining a perpetually drained victim. Life offers more options than these sharp dualities, allowing space for psychological empowerment within a relationship. This empowerment involves intelligent emotional detachment, preventing a hurtful partner from feeding on tears and emotions, and promoting dealings with calmness and balance. Demanding one's rights with awareness, strength, and balance is presented not as begging, but as preserving dignity. The primary support, according to this perspective, should be God, as the only support that does not falter.
Strategies for Internal Resilience
Building oneself internally is key, encompassing knowledge, skills, independence, a strong support network, and a strong relationship with God. The more internally fulfilled a person becomes, the less they need validation from others. Individuals are advised against suffocating their souls behind social masks or adopting the slogan 'We are fine in front of people'. Instead, people are encouraged to talk, consult with others, write down their pains, and seek psychological treatment when necessary.